Based on the dream I just had if people attacked my house (in the upstate) in the night and I had to escape I would be kind of a badass (I snapped the neck of a guy trying to capture me to turn me in to the militia’s leader) but also not very successful - when I finally woke up I was hiding in a neighbor’s shed behind a large box, hoping and praying they didn’t find me, but I’m not sure where I was planning on going even if they didn’t find me. I’m also not sure whether I had any water with me.
I'm hiding from Alison in the library. I'm skipping class today too. I don't want her to have the opportunity ask about my senior thesis! If she doesn't see me, she won't remember that she is waiting for it!
I've done nothing. All morning I laid in bed reading smutty fanfic and masturbating.
Well . . . sometimes that's what you need . . .
I just want to be done with school. I don't want to work or write papers or go to class or the conference this weekend. I only want to fuck around. Forever. Or at least until I decide that I'm done.
Today I had a critique and I thought I’d share what I did. These are just phone snaps from last night, before I spotted them. Some of the nudes are of me, others are of one of my good friends. The prints in the diptychs are each about 9.5x12.5 inches, the prints in the triptych are each about 9x7 inches.
Sitting in the bathroom crying because my work didn’t get into Young Contemporaries, my school’s yearly juried student show. One piece got into the Salon de Refuses which the professors pick. The last two years I’ve gotten a piece into YC. But this year I apparently wasn’t good enough.
Hi y’all, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to be trying to mostly stay off tumblr for the next while, possibly until I graduate in May. I really need to focus on school and just generally keeping my life together. <3
Feeling really unattractive and invisible right now. It’s really sad to walk around being attracted to various people and know that none of them even see me in a potentially sexual/romantic light, much less that they might be attracted to me. And this is one of those things where at the end of the day the internet is just not going to fix it. I’m a very physical, here and now kind of person in some ways. I want validation in real life, from the people I interact with on a day-to-day basis. And I just am not getting that, even in negative ways. It’s not like I want to be catcalled or whatever because obviously that’s bullshit. But at the same time it feels shitty when no one, not straight or gay or queer people of any gender, when literally no one (other than my partner who I’ve been with for almost 5 years and I’m sorry but for this kind of thing that just isn’t really counting) is seeing you as a sexual being. I don’t know. I just needed to vent.